The Ten Commandment

Many centuries ago, God came down to earth, went to the Germans and said, "I have Commandments that will help you live better lives."

The Germans ask, "What are Commandments?"

And the Lord says, "Rules for living."

"Can you give us an example?" said the Germans.

God says, "Thou shalt not kill."

"Not kill? We're not interested."

So God went to the Italians and said, "I have Commandments..."

The Italians wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thou shalt not steal."

"Not steal? We're not interested."

Next the Lord went to the French saying, "I have Commandments..."

The French wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife."

And the French were not interested either.

God then went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments..."

"Commandments," said the Jews, "How much are they?"

"They're free."

"Perfect. We'll take 10."

The Priest and the Pilot

A Catholic Priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.

Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Alex Jones, a retired American Airlines Pilot from Dallas, Texas."

Saint Peter consults his list.

He smiles and says to the pilot, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom."

The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next it's the priest's turn.

He stands erect and booms out, "I am Father Joe McTiernan, pastor of Saint Mary's in Pasadena for the last 43 years."

Saint Peter again consults his list.

He says to the priest, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom."

"Just a minute," says the good father, "that man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff, and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be?"

"Up here we go by results," says Saint Peter, "when you preached - - people slept; when he flew - - people prayed."

The Post Office

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store.

As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the post office is?"

The little boy replied, "Sure, just go straight down the street a couple of blocks and turn to your right."

The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town, and I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven."

The little boy replied with a chuckle, "Awww, come on; you don't even know the way to the post office!"

I would like to say thank you to Teresa Dycus for her contribution of

"The Priest and the Pilot"

and to Doris Turman for her contribution of

"The Post Office"

Contributions

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